Empowerment Life Coaching

Archive for November, 2009

 

Five Mistakes Parents Make and How to Fix Them!

 

1. “Why Can’t You Do That at Home?!!”  This is a mistake that a lot of parents make, speaking before they think about the consequences of the words for their children. A child will do an act of kindness for another adult such as cleaning up their kids’ toy room or another chore. That other adult tells you about it praising your child for doing something good and when you angrily ask the child why they can’t do that at home instead of praising them it has a negative affect on the child’s attitude toward doing anything for you. If you also praise your children in those cases, telling them you are proud of them, you are more likely to see those acts of kindness in your home because they will see that you value those actions too.

2. “Since When?!!” If your children tell you they like a food you did not know they had eaten before, or had refused to eat in the past, it is a mistake to jump on them for now liking the food. Your kids are growing up and changing. Their taste buds change too. So cut them some slack if they suddenly like some food you used to beg them to eat. This also applies to other things in your child’s life such as favorite activities and friends. Those are going to change as your child grows. Accept their changes that are not harmful to them or anyone else and let them know it is okay to grow and change in positive ways.

3. Each parent has different rules. If you and your spouse do not have the same rules your children are going to use it to divide and conquer your parenting. Discuss the rules and come to an agreement out of the children’s earshot and stick to them or change them as needed together. This goes for children whose parents are divorced too. As much as possible line up your rules in both houses so the children have as much stability and consistency as possible.

4. Expecting your children to know information that they do not know. Children are not born knowing everything. We all know that. Sometimes we expect our children to know more than they do. Screaming at your children in public for being rude in a way that has never come up before is not the way to teach them to have manners. Take the children aside and talk to them quietly, explaining as much as they can understand about why you want them to act differently. If the reason is beyond their understanding at that point tell them it is something grown ups do understand and they will understand too later on.

5. Equating your child with the child’s behavior. Your children are not their misbehavior. Tell your child you love him but do not like his actions. Do not tell your child to get out of your sight because you cannot stand to look at him for misbehavior. That tells your child he or she is bad. You can put him in time-out or ground him as punishment but separate the child from his bad actions so that he knows you value him and do not value the bad behavior. Whe Time-out is over give him a hug and explain to him that it is behavior that you do not like not him. If a child thinks he is bad, he thinks bad behavior is his lot in life and will feel helpless to fix it and will choose to act out more because there is no alternative in his or her mind.