Empowerment Life Coaching

Archive for October, 2009

Grieving the Loss of a Pet

by Rebecca Cagle, BS, CPLC

There are two concerns that I want to address in this article; first the process of grieving the loss of a pet due to natural death and other causes, and second that there is some evidence that our pets go to Heaven.  Both issues may be important to those suffering through the loss of their precious animals. 

 

Grieving the loss of your pet

Losing a pet to death under any circumstances can be heartbreaking.  Sometimes it can be a devastating trauma if it is a sudden loss due to an accident, fire,  natural disaster or a sudden illness.  It is hard to lose a dear pet to natural death from old age or having to put one to sleep.  Whatever way it happens, you are likely to go through a process of grieving that could take some time.  There are five stages of grieving according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying."  They include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  First comes denial,  when you think the death is not real – it is not happening to you.  Then comes the anger and wondering why this is happening to you.  After anger comes bargaining when you vow to be a better person if somehow the death can be reversed.  Then depression sets in as you begin to realize that there is nothing you can do to change the circumstances, so you feel helpless.  After depression comes acceptance, when you have worked through a lot of the pain and are ready to go on with your life..  (Kubler-Ross, 1969, chap. 3.)

Losing a treasured pet can be as traumatic as losing a family member or close friend.  It is okay to grieve.  Each loss in your life may trigger the grieving process.  Each time the process will be different.  There is no set point in time that you should be finished grieving.  Depending on your individual circumstances you may go through the stages of grief quickly or it may take a long time.  Your pain is your pain so do not let yourself or anyone else put any expectations on you to finish grieving by a certain date.  And you may go through the stages of grief more than once.  Another round of grieving can be triggered by the anniversary of your pet’s death or another sad event in your life as well as a happy event such as buying or adopting  a new pet.  That is okay.  It is normal.  It is also normal to laugh when retelling a funny story about your pet even in the midst of crying.

During the grieving process be patient with yourself.  Try not to add extra stress by loading your schedule with tiring activities.  Give yourself time.  Talk to people in your life whom you trust about losing your pet.  Sometimes talking to a pastor, counselor or life coach can help you walk through your pain.  I have heard the psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud say,"A burden shared is half a burden."  Talking with a caring person can help .  Also talk to your spouse and children to see how they are doing during this time.  Even a child who has never shown any interest in animals can be quietly suffering the loss of your pet.  As a parent you are the best person to observe your child’s behavior and see any signs of grieving that no one else can see.  Is your son having unusual outbursts of anger?  Are your daughter’s perfect grades slipping?  Talk to them about the grieving process in terms you know they will understand.  Tell them it is okay to smile one minute and cry the next.  If you keep the lines of communication open,  this can be an opportunity for your family to draw closer together.

Try not to make any big decisions too soon after the loss of your pet.  Do not pressure yourself or let anyone else pressure you into hastily buying another animal.  If you receive an insurance settlement put the money aside for a while so you have time to grieve and decide what you are going to do with it when you are not so overwhelmed.  There may be people who do not have your best inrterests at heart who will pressure you to spend the money to their benefit and not yours.  Park the money in an insured Certificate of Deposit or another safe place until you feel you are ready to buy another pet or spend the money on something else.  You will know when you are ready. 

You have a lot of good memories about your pet.  Ask your children and other family members to create a memorial of you choice.  There are a lot of ways you can do this.  You can ask the kids to draw pictures and write about their favorite memories and put them along with cherished photos i a scrapbook.  You can spend as much or as little money as you want to memorialize your pet.    If you cannot bury your pet in your back yard you can use cremation services and do what you want with the ashes, creating memorial jewelry or scattering them in your pet’s favorite place to play.  It may help younger children to get some biodegradeable helium filled balloons and attach a note from your kids written to the deceased pet to release outdoors to go up to your pet in Heaven.

 

Will your pet go to Heaven?

I believe that our pets do go to Heaven.  I base this on information from the Bible.  Following  the flood in Genesis, chapter 8, verse one says ,"…God remembered Noah and all of the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark (New International Version(NIV))."  And Genesis chapter nine, verses 9 – 17 says,"I now establish my covenant with you and your descendants after you and with every living creature …every living creature on earth…Never again will life be cut off by the waters of a flood…And God said,’This is of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you…I have set my rainbow in the clouds…..Whenever the rainbow appears, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth(NIV). ‘ "   Three times in the above quotations it says,"every living creature" and once it says "all living creatures."  As one of my college professors used to say,"’All’ means ‘all’."    By the same token "every" means "every."  "All living creatures" includes your pet.  In the last sentence of the quotes it says the covenant, or agreement, is "everlasting."  That is forever.  In order to keep that covenant God must take your pet to Heaven along with people and every other living creature. 

In the last book of the Bible, Revelation, horses are directly discussed in the specific realm of Heaven.  Revelation chapters 5 and 6 talk about the seven seals of a scroll being opened in Heaven.  A white horse comes out of the first seal, a red horse comes out of the second, a black one comes out of the third, snd a pale horse comes out of the fourth.  In Revelation chapter 5 it states that the scroll with the seals was "…in the right hand of him who sat on the throne [of Heaven](NIV)."  Revelation chapter 19, verse 11, says,"I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse…(NIV)."  From this biblical evidence it seems clear that horses and other animals do go to Heaven.  And that may ease the minds of some people who are grieving the loss of their horses as well as other pets.

If you are ever in this situation you can take comfort from knowing that the process of grieving the loss of a pet is normal.  It isdifferent for each person each time.  You do not have to suffer alone.  There are people who care about you during this difficult time.  It is okay to cry and laugh over memories of your pet.  And there is biblical evidence that pets do go to Heaven. 

References

Kubler-Ross, E.  (1969).  On death and dying.  New York: MacMillan.

The Holy Bible, New International Version. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1986.